Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his
morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging
liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first
swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are
safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their
safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers
for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon
is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to
regulate the meat packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle
is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what
he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he
breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for
the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.
He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station
for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable
money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants
liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives
everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some
lazy liberal union members fought and DIED for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want
his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a
worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal
didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary
misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can
pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because
some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided
that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in
addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state
funded university.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening
at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His
car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal
fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded
roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to
live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because
bankers didn't want to make RURAL loans.
The house didn't have electricity until some big-government
liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded RURAL
electrification.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father
lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio
talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans
have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout
his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals
ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone
should take care of themselves, just like I have."